At the End of the Driveway

By: Scott Tolhurst

There is a difference between guilt and shame. Failing to recognize the distinction leads to confusion or even despair. The distinction between guilt and shame is valid within our courts, relationships and souls. So, the matter is important in many aspects of living; family, friendships, church, and most of all in our walk with God.  

Guilt is a legal concept. It is declaration of an offence against law, morality or persons. It is not ambiguous, either we did the crime or did not. We may offer excuses before a judge for speeding, try to explain our playground actions in the principal’s office or complain in prayer that we had no other option, but there is no grey in guilt. The Bible declares that before God, we all are guilty. Each one of us has transgressed and we have no means to erase it. Our only hope is the life and death of Jesus. Guilt cannot be removed, but it can be atoned, forgiven and forgotten. Through faith, anyone can have their guilt reversed forever. This is an act of grace for us.  

Shame is not a legal concept. It is not a declaration but a feeling. Shame is our emotional reaction when our guilt is known by others. We may sense judgement or condemnation from them and we absorb their disappointment. Shame is the stigma of our failures. Shame is rooted in guilt but it is not automatic. Some are guilty but do not sense scandal. They flaunt their crimes and have no sense of shame. Their ability to blush is broken. But that is not you. If I am not mistaken, many reading this do not dismiss their shame, in fact they wrestle with it.  

We see our guilt and feel regret morphing into self condemnation. We employ secrecy or facade smiles to avoid humiliation. Even when kindness is extended our way, we may impute attitudes of distance or rejection towards that kindness. It is a struggle for us to feel forgiven. But forgiveness is not the issue; shame is. It is possible to be forgiven and still sense disgrace. The only answer to dis-grace is grace.  

It is the grace of God which forgives us in Christ. It is also God’s grace to love us as we are. Guilty and broken, with repeated failings and unfulfilled intentions. We convince ourselves that God is mad or at least deeply disappointed with us. He forgives, but holds us at arm’s length. We feel reproach where there is none. Read the whole of Romans 8 to inform your head. Then let your heart feel the father’s reactions to his prodigal son. Racing. Hugging. Weeping. Celebrating. We are prodigals who do not deny our fault. In hope, you return to the Father. By faith, your sins are buried at Calvary. Consider your shame buried as well. We are both forgiven and received in love. The Father is running toward you. Receive His embrace.